I am needing to release some random thinking today, so bear with me. If your not interested in hearing me whine, then just close this now. But I figure this is my blog and I am entitled to say what I want and right now I just need a release.
How do you get beyond being repeatedly hurt by someone? What if the person, or people, don't even realize how often you feel hurt by them? Do they realize that they are pushing you further and further away? That's my automatic reaction, to just stay away. I guess I feel like if I just keep to myself, I can avoid further hurt. But then wanting so badly to feel loved and accepted. I mean, who likes to feel rejected by anyone? Who likes to feel unwanted and uncared for? There has been so many experiences over the last several years that I just don't think they care much anymore. I don't know what to do to get beyond this, how to build a bridge from where I am to where I would like to be. I don't even know how to act around them anymore. I've never been very good at communicating my feelings and I really don't deal well with confrontation. I just don't know what to do anymore, I am tired of being so affected by their actions. I need to learn to not care, to be able to harden my heart. I'd be happy to hear any advice on how to deal with this. For now I will just continue limiting contact because that's just the easiest way for me to deal.
Thanks for listening (or I guess reading).
4 comments:
The best advice I can give you is simply this....How will the other person know how you feel unless you tell them how you feel. I have found in my own personal life that to be so true! I think most people in general get wrapped up in their own lives and just don't think to ask how the other is doing. In an age where it is so easy to communicate still we don't. I have had my feelings hurt many times by stupid things, it is amazing to me how just a phone call or a simple hello makes all the difference. Hope this helps some
I'm pretty sure that 9 times out of 10 in a situation like this the offending party has no idea of the effect his/her actions are having. It's also possible that the person recognizes that you've pulled away but has no idea why and can't figure out how to fix the problem. Or, maybe you've done something to offend him/her without realizing it and he/she is just doing what you're doing--removing him/herself from the situation to avoid the conflict. I would agree with Andrea and say that the best solution would be to bite the bullet and confront the other person. Issues like this don't just go away; they fester until one or both of the people involved snap and a yelling fight ensues, which never helps the situation (my relationship with my in-laws has made me somewhat of a self-proclaimed expert on this subject). I'm not a confrontational person by any means either, but I've found that the discomfort that comes with approaching a person who's offended me is always overshadowed by the relief of knowing that everything has been resolved.
I think that the advice that you have received is sound. It is always good to try once to clear the air in a non-confrontational way. If you are met with resistance it may be good to give things time to resolve a little on their own. It's always a choice whether or not we feel offended, however some things are very hard to dismiss. Carefully evaluate to make sure that you are seeing things clearly. If you still feel like something needs to be addressed, do so with caution and tact. Good luck. These issues are difficult and can be sticky messes to pull ourselves from!
Can I just tell you that this post is like my LIFE story...I feel as if it's me who wrote what you said. All up in my head. EVERY.WORD. I've tried the, "pulling myself away from the problem approach." (which only ended in ridiculous rumors) I also don't really know what to do...The past few years have been hard for me as well. Growing up knowing everyone around you and them growing with you was just sooo much easier. I know both my sister's intentions and how my parents think. So if they ever hurt my feelings I could just tell them flat out how I felt, the issue was fixed, and we went on loving each other as if nothing ever happened. Then when you get married you have a whole new family to love and get to know, but you have NO IDEA what to expect and you have NO IDEA what they are thinking and you have NO IDEA how they will react in certain situations. So you go around trying to please everyone not knowing what they even want. Your tip toeing around in them hoping and praying you have not offended anyone. You have ups and downs and fun and sometimes no fun at all. And then everyone starts fighting and sometimes not approving of you and then you think to yourself, "HEY, I'm your sister(or daughter)! Maybe not by blood but I'm your family now, I'm here for the long hall and you need to be nice to me and you need to love me for ME!" hahah and then things get better...? for a while.... They hurt your feelings and you hurt their's and guess what? In all your dealings with them your still part of the family. You love them and want the best for them and you just have to hold onto the feeling that hopefully they feel the SAME WAY. Melinda if you know who you are and know what your intentions are everything will work out in the end. It's very hard (obviously) but you can't please everyone, and pleasing yourself should be most important. Because if your happy with yourself you can be the best person you want to be :) Love you tons <3 B
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